Superheroes are strange

Everyone knows the Dark Knight and his sidekick, Robin. Batman has become one of the most recognizable heroic icons along others such as Superman, Spiderman, Wonder Woman and Fridtjof Nansen. That's why I feel i can add this to a part of western culture and thus having it belong here. Also, all the cool kids makes fun of them these days, and I want to be just as cool as them.

But onto business. For some reason, back in the days, absolutely everyone in Gotham City was apparently more worried about boners than crime, and that's impressive, because Gotham city is the crime capital of USA. Our superduo (a grown man living with a little boy in tight briefs and smooth legs that can make any woman jealous) were no less worried about boners and what plans these boners were involved in.

Boners? Sounds like a case for Batman and Robin!
This is what the famous master detective spends his time researching upon?
No wonder The Joker wants to kill everyone.

So yeah. Gotham sure loves boners. But the Dark Knight isn't ALL about stopping boners, his own included, from happening. After all, he is looking out for his young friend,
Dick Grayson, who lost his family to a mob related crime.

And oh boy, Batman, who goes by the name of Bruce Wayne, sure loves raising the innocent child in a completely normal and healthy way. Like:

Physical punishment for no apparent reason. Do note how Bruce can't stop smiling..
Making Robin do things no child should want to do while Batman is watching...
Verbal abuse...
And... I just don't know anymore...

For some strange reason, once Robin grew up, he decides at once to leave, far away from Batman, and start over a new life as the Nightwing.

Batman copes with this loss by finding new a boy to be his little Robin in shorts. 3 young boys, actually. And one of them dies.

Someone, for the love of God! Alert the child services!

And then there's Superman, who as well is rather... Strange too.
For instance, these two pictures say about a thousand words:

Yes, that is Superman enjoying some gay incestual sadomachism with his father and foster father respectivly.

However, let's avoid Supermans rather... Special fetishes, and focus on his happily married life with Lois Lane. A woman who truly loves Superman the way a heavily abused girl loves her asshole boyfriend. Or a hostage suffering Stockholm syndrome loves her hostage taker. I'll let these few pictures illustrate their beautiful relationship (Click pics to enlarge to read what they say):

1: He forces her to marry some stalker because she was mad at him over some dickery he commited. Just look how pleased he is with himself.

2: Again Lois does something, which enrages Superman and decide a fitting punishment is to have her placed on Death Row, for shits and giggles. That should teach her to disobey because psychological terror is always effective.

3:Superman pitting his normal, mortal human lover against Wonder Woman into battle for his affection. And yes, that is Superman being a complete asshole about the whole thing

Poor Lois. What has she done to deserve such harsh treatment from Superman? A man all about justice?

Wait, did i say poor? Because that's more wrong than forcibly crossbreed a cat with a horse. Lois certainly have a hand in how Superman grew up to be like that. As this pictures shows.

You are completely right. Superman is a kid suddenly because fuck logic. Lois, and her rival, Lana, does the only responsible thing when this happens to someone. This includes:

1: Attemting to brainwash a child barely above toddler age.
2: Using strange techniques. We can safely assume they also used mind altering drugs on the kid. That's what the writers of this story must have used, in any case.
3: Pedophile behaviour. Note how Lois says "Kiss me like this whenever you see me!" after Superman grows up again.
4: Again, incest (adoptive "parents" and all that). You start to see a pattern here why Superman likes to get spanked by his daddies?
5: All the while, these adult women does it to spite each other, completely oblivious to the fact THAT YOU JUST DON'T DO THAT SHIT TO LITTLE CHILDREN!

I am in fact very worried about Superman's nonchalant reaction to Lana's confession about hypnotising him as a baby.

Is there any wonder why Superman is such an asshole towards her? Haha, don't worry. It's just not Lois who gets that treatment. You see, a man like Superman do feel that empty void inside him that comes from wanting to be a parent. Yet, for some mysterious reason, Superman probably feels that women are manipulative bitches only after his body and thus tries to avoid being with them as much as possible.

Which is kinda sensible, seeing what kind of women he meets. But instead of making his wife pregnant, he simply adopts a young man.

And then treats his adoptive child like utter unworthy trash. (Click to enlarge pictures)

Superman's got some serious issues..
Children from wartorn coutries don't suffer the way Jimmy did! Hell, they consider it christmas.

Moral of the story: Don't get close to Superman if you care about dignity and feeling loved.
Talking about that. Batman and Superman gets along suspiciously well

Thank god for that alarm. This could have gotten real akward for the readers.
What exactly happened back there?

Well, that's all for now, ladies and gentlemen.
(On a side related note, some people say that "boners" meant something different back in the days when these comics were printed. Don't listen to them. I have on good authority to inform you that they in fact talking about dicks.)

Pictures are mostly from Superdickery, so go there for even more hilarious comic moments.

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